Rindu, Teramat Rindu

It's that time of the year again.

I used to wonder, why do people say that you will miss the place so much.

So much that it could bring tears.

So much that you would want to come again and again.

A kind of longing that can't be truly fulfilled.

A kind of gravitational force. A spiritual one.

But now I understand.

The experience was a very personal one.

I was motionless, speechless, too overwhelmed by the sight.

The first time that I laid my eyes on you, the beautiful Kaabah, I savored the moment with tears.

Subhaanallah...

Alhamdulillah...

Allahu Akbar!

The aura of grandeur that filled the air made me feel so insignificant.

I stood there together with million others, but I felt so alone.

Walking inside the grand masjid, I felt so blessed that it was the very place where our beloved prophet SAW and his companions had once walked upon. Not only him, but also Prophet Ibrahim AS and Prophet Ismail AS. Thousands of years ago, Prophet Ibrahim AS made the call, and there I was. Alhamdulillah... I've made the journey to answer his call.

And when it was time to leave, my heart broke, and my only wish was...that I would be able to come again.

And then, the other masjid.

That lovely green dome, beneath which laid the most honorable man on earth, the best creature.

The man I've never met, never spoken to, never heard his voice... but somehow his pure love and gentleness can be felt in this City of Light.

The masjid that he humbly built greeted me with such tenderness, Rahmatan lil Aalamiin was welcoming me, a mere sinful being.

Allahumma solli 'ala Muhammad.

"Assalamualaika Ya Rasulullah... here I am...my dearly beloved.." I remembered whispering. Stood there at the maqam, where he was laid to rest beside his two best companions, I felt so ashamed of myself.

Again, I felt so blessed and yet so alone.

And the time to bid him farewell was most heart wrenching.

Ya Allah... please allow me to visit him again.

Yes. Now I understand.