Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Burden

I want to learn about patience.
And Allah send me the module, in the form of challenges.
There were just too many outbursts, so much anger inside. Each time I went home, sitting alone, thinking, contemplating...the words came back to me.
"There must be a reason why Allah choose YOU to face this.." my friend said.
I accept that, reluctantly at first. Then later, when it finally sank in, my tears flew like a river.
What am I suppose to do? I am helpless. I do have the right to be angry, don't I?
But this anger is so heavy in my heart. It's just too heavy to bear, so painful.
I need time. Take five. No, take nine. Nine days off.

Ready to start new. New perception, new enthusiasm.
Then it came back, a double blow. Should I scream at the top of my lungs? No, I can't, I don't know how.
The anger came back, like a fire burning rapidly.
Ya Allah... I know you are listening..
I am powerless to make the change. I leave it to You Ya Allah...
Ya Allah... please free me from this burden of anger.

Thank you Allah, The Most Merciful.
There are things that I can't change
There are things that I can change.
I choose to change what I can.
Help me Ya Allah ...
If I can't change the things out there...
Help me to change the things in here
Release me Ya Allah..from this torment and misery..that anger has brought me.

Ya Allah
Ku mohon kepadaMu
Ampunkan dosaku
Maafkan kesalahanku
Setiap kali aku memungkiri taubatku
Ampunkan lah aku sekali lagi
Ku serahkan segala urusanku kepadaMu Ya Allah
Kerana aku tak mampu merubah hati manusia
Maka ubahlah hatiku Ya Allah
Jadikan lah hatiku seumpama taman yang indah
Taman yang penuh kedamaian
Taman yang subur menghijau
Taman yang harum dan dingin
Padamkanlah Ya Allah..
Api kemarahan yang merusak taman hatiku
Amiin..Ya Arhamarraahimiin...

6 comments:

pooh gurl said...

salam madam. nice, i like your writing.... kadang2 saya rasa macam kenapa mesti saya kenapa bkn org lain....tapi teringat Allah takkan uji kita lebih dari yg kita mampu.
and Allah the greatest love. your writing give such a spirit for me...
thanks.

pooh gurl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mawar said...

Salam pooh gurl,
Thank you for reading.
Sometimes a situation is so depressing and frustrating and yet there's no room for us to improve or make changes. That's when I am left with no choice but to ask Allah to relieve me from the anger and frustration. Being angry is so tiring...it requires a lot of energy. That energy could be used for other useful thing, let's not waste it by being angry.
Have a blessed day :)

Moslemische said...

Assalmau'alaykum..

So true.. Infact, with these 'challenges' we are facing, Allah wanted us to return to HIM alone, not others. It could also be the reason why HE leaves us no other choices/options-unless to consult HIM :)

May Allah bless you madame, and your family fiddunya wa akhira..

nUr said...

our beloved Prophet(saw) also said that the one that can hold their anger is the strongest one..=)
Patience is the key.it's not easy to be the one, but it's worth to try for the sake of Him..
May your life will be blessed madam and May Allah gives us strength to face all the challenges with smile.
(^_^)

mawar said...

Salam Moslemische and Nur,

You are right.. now that the anger is gone..Alhamdulillah..hopefully I can begin to find the solution.

Thank you for your comments.
Let's keep smiling.