Muhasabah Cinta

Wahai pemilik nyawaku
Betapa lemah diriku ini
Berat ujian dari Mu
Kupasrahkan semua pada Mu

Tuhan... baru kusadar
Indah nikmat sehat itu
Tak pandai aku bersyukur
Kini ku harapkan cinta Mu

Kata kata cinta terucap indah
Mengalir berdzikir di kidung do’a ku
Sakit yang kurasa biar
Jadi penawar dosaku

Butir butir cinta air mataku

Terlihat semua yang Kau beri untukku
Ampuni khilaf dan salah selama ini
Ya Illahi 

Muhasabah cintaku

Tuhan.... kuatkan aku
Lindungiku dari putus asa
Jika ku harus mati
Pertemukan aku dengan Mu

The Peaceful Home Stay

Bismillah Ar Rahmaan Ar Rahiim

Enjoying the view from the first floor of the masjid

It has been narrated from Aba Abdillah [Imam Ja'far Ibn Muhammad as-Sadiq] (peace be upon him) that he said, "For Allah, the Noble and Grand, there are 120 parts of Mercy around the Kaabah. From these, sixty are for those performing the Tawaf around the Kaabah; forty are for those performing the prayers; and twenty are for those just looking (at the Kaabah)."

We spent most of our time in Makkah in the masjid. Whether performing the prayers, doing tawaf, or just looking, gazing and admiring the Kaabah. For the congregational prayer I usually would go to the first floor of the masjid where it was slightly less crowded. Afterwards I would walk up to the front and join many others standing by the railing to look at the Kaabah. It was such a sight to behold, one that we don't get tired of looking at. I just stood there quietly, and I could feel the deep contentment that came filling my heart and all my worries disappeared.
Masjidil Haram is the only place where we can perform tawaf, so we tried our best to do as many as we can. Sometimes we were able to walk very close to the Kaabah and the feeling was indescribable.

After the tawaf we would slowly eased our way out from the circling crowd to find a place to pray. Prostrating on the bare floor just a few feet away from the Kaabah, I found it hard not to be overwhelmed by emotion, the feeling of closeness to Him was tremendous. I wish that I could remain there prostrating in front of His house.

Being in the masjid also remind me a lot about death. It was very rare that the five prayers would not be followed by janazah prayer (funeral prayer). There were a few times when upon exiting the masjid we were shoved by the side to make way for the people hurriedly carrying the deceased body. And we would see people rushing to take part in carrying the casket even just for a few seconds, while others would paused to make way and show due respect for the deceased. Once, I saw one deceased body that was covered by ihram attire, which means he was called to return to Allah while in the state of ihram. I was down with envy... how lucky that person was, to die in such a blessed state.

As the days of our stay was nearing the end, I kept trying to push aside my emotion, trying to forget the fact that I would soon be leaving this sacred sanctuary. I just want to enjoy the peace and tranquility as much as I can, savoring each moment by listening to the soothing call for prayer and the beautiful melodious recitation from the imam.

On our last day, fajr prayer was the last prayer that we performed in His house. We went early to the masjid, about two hours before the prayer time and the place was already quite full. When the azan was called, it pierced through my grieving heart. The recitation of the imam in the prayer sounded especially soothing that it made me cry.
After the prayer I walked to the front to view the Kaabah as usual. I wish time could stand still and I don't have to leave this place.

About half hour later, we walked slowly to our hotel. We took our breakfast and finish our packing. After loading our luggages at the hotel lobby, we headed to the masjid again for the farewell tawaf.
Ya Allah...I haven't left the place, but I missed it already.
Stepping into the masjid, suddenly it felt so quiet, and the moment we started the tawaf, I just couldn't hold it any longer. I cried and cried...

Ya Allah..
Thank you for your blessings
Thank you for your mercy
Forgive all my sins and my wrongdoings
Ya Allah.. The Most Merciful...
Please accept my prayers, my tawaf, my umrah...
Send me your guidance and your light
Give me strength, courage and patience to face my days ahead
Help me keep my faith to You until the day I breath my last
Amiin..amiin...amiin...
Ya Arhamar raahimiin

Spiritual Journey 2

In the name of Allah, The Beneficent, The Merciful.
All praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.

Our flight from Kuala Lumpur was delayed for two hours. All the passengers were already seated when the pilot announced that we are still waiting for clearance from Yaman airspace authority. And when Yaman denied permission, the route had to be rescheduled. It was a longer route through Oman and an extra two hours would be needed in our journey, therefore the aircraft had to be refueled and another pilot had to be called for duty. The flight from Kuala Lumpur to Jeddah was slightly more than eight hours, and after few hours at Jeddah airport we boarded the bus for another seven hours of journey to Madinah.
We reached Madinah early in the morning that day and sadly we missed the Fajr congregational prayer at the masjid and ended up praying in our hotel room. After breakfast and a brief rest we walked to the masjid.

Outside Masjid an Nabawi

Beneath that green dome he was laid to rest. The mere glimpse of the the green dome brought me to tears.
Assalamualaika Ya Rasulullah..
Assalamualaika Ya Habiballaah..
Allaahumma solli 'ala Muhammad.

Three days in Madinah was too short, but I am thankful that Allah had blessed me the opportunity to visit the raudhah near the Prophet's grave.
It was crowded as usual, but everyone was so engrossed in tearful prayers.

On the third day we headed for Makkah in our ihram attire. The bus journey was about four hours. We reached the vicinity of Masjidil Haram around 11.00pm and I saw the minarets from afar.
How do you feel when you finally meet/see someone you had been missing and longing for years? That was my feeling at that time.

Outside Masjidil Haram at night

The bus stopped at our hotel which was just about 10 minutes away from the masjid. We loaded our luggages and were told to rest in our rooms until the briefing time at 12.15am.

It was around 12.40am when we headed for the masjid to perform our umrah.
The breathtaking sight of the masjid and the kaabah filled my heart with happiness, humility and peace, all mixed together.
I felt a lump in my throat as I recited the prayer, and tears rolled down my cheek.
Subhaanallah...
Alhamdulillah...
Allahuakbar...
Thank you Allah, for receiving me as your guest again here, in this place that I had missed so dearly.

The crowd circling the kaabah was quite packed but the cool temperature was comforting. Somehow it felt really cold afterwards when we were doing our saie.
We completed the umrah rituals; the tawaf and saie in about two and a half hours. Only then when we were outside the masjid I saw on the screen that the temperature was actually19 degrees celcius. No wonder we were trembling.
We walked around the masjid slowly and quietly carrying our tired body and feet, but our hearts were so at peace. I felt so at home in His house.
We were looking for the restroom and realized that the place had changed so much since our last visit. We had to ask the policeman for the direction.
The time for Fajr prayer was just another two hours, so we decided to stay on at the masjid for fear that we might miss the prayer all together if we return to rest at our hotel room. After the first call for Fajr prayer we went our separate ways. My husband headed to the man's section and I went to the woman's to wait for Fajr prayer. I tried hard to remain awake while waiting for the second call of prayer, I was really tired and sleepy.

We went straight to our hotel after the prayer, had our breakfast and went to bed.
We slept like logs and only woke up three hours later.
Alhamdulillah...all praise be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.