Deluded

"Tuhan, Maaf, Kami Sedang Sibuk"
Translated as, "God, Sorry, We Are Busy"

The title of this book startled me.
What kind of book is that?
How could anyone ever say that?
I certainly would not utter those words. Ever.
May Allah protect my tongue from saying it.

But something stirred in my heart, and after a few steps, I returned to the shelf to pick up the book. I read the title again. Immediately, tears begun to well up in my eyes.
Reading the synopsis on the back cover of the book made me realized about something.
Something deep and insidious.

Reading the first few pages of the book brought more tears and my heart sank.

O Allah...
Please forgive me.
Please forgive my arrogance.

Yes, my tongue never and would not say the words. No, of course not.
But, weren't there countless times that my actions, my hands and my feet were saying exactly that?
Astaghfirullah....
On the day of judgement, it is not the tongue that would be speaking. It's my hands and my feet.

Everyday, my worldly affairs kept me busy.
What am I busy about?
Who am I doing it for?
Who am I trying to fool?
I was not busy pleasing Him, was I?
How many times have I delayed answering His call? How many times have other things took priorities over reading His words? How many times have I forgotten Him?

My heart is diseased.
I am deluded by my arrogance.
Astaghfirullaah...

Returning

I am afraid of the dark.
Darkness scares me.
I need light to brighten up my life.
I need light so I would know my way.

But when the darkness is inside the heart
When the darkness is blinding the heart
Only The Light can guide you
The Light from An Nuur...

Ya Nuur..
Help me find my way to You.
Help me please..

The Exam

I was invigilating the final exam for my students today. The hall was quiet as everyone was concentrating on answering the exam, a typical scene of an examination in progress. Nothing out of the ordinary.

But, as I observed some of them one by one, I realized how different they looked. The smiles are gone, taken over by deep thoughts and undivided attention to the exam paper.
For almost three hours, they were off lined, unplugged, from the outside world.
That's how we normally deal with any test or exam, because a test is an important part of assessment. Passing a test is an indication of success in the life of a student.

As I walked around the hall, I was contemplating on the reality of life. Life itself is a test. A continuous assessment of our faith. As the episodes of our life unfolding, we come face to face with the multiple types of assessments. We kept collecting and losing scores from our daily activities.  And because of that, just as we take our exam seriously, shouldn't our lives be taken seriously as well? After all just like any test that requires our concentration for a relatively short time, our life IS short.
Very short and brief indeed.
Astronomers estimated that the universe is 13.75 billion years old, and that makes our life span of 60 or 80 years extremely brief and insignificant!
Not only that our life occupy a very tiny period of time, our physical existence actually disappeared when in comparison to the vast universe.

But since the time period of our life is kept unknown as part of the intended test, we lost our focus, forgetting that this life is a real test, the one and only test that we should give our undivided attention at.

I saw today, the look of relief that some of my students had, upon walking out of the exam hall. I know that they've worked hard, they've tried their best, and they would come through with flying colours. And later they would smile with joy looking at their result.

To all my students, the exam is over and you'll be enjoying your long break.
However,  let me remind myself and you that we are still continuously being tested. It's not over yet.
Your exam will be marked, your would soon see your grade, but your sincerity, honesty and patience are the ones that we can't measure. That section of the assessment did not appear in the exam but the marks are already being recorded, in a special book. You can't carry your CGPA on the day of judgement. You and I will carry our deeds because that is the one that really matters in the eyes of Allah.

Everyday we started the lesson in class by raising our hands in prayers.We asked for guidance from the One who guide, we asked for mercy from The Most Merciful. And everyday, we ended the class by asking for forgiveness from the One who forgives.

Today, let us raise our hands again.
Let us pray for a continuous mercy, blessings and guidance from Him until the day when we return to Him. The day when the test finally ends and we can all smile with contentment, because we have done our best. When finally the score of our entire life is revealed, when the book of our deeds would be handed to us, let us pray that we would receive it with our right hands.
Let us pray that we can finally meet again in a beautiful place, our real home in paradise.
Aamiin... Ya Arhamarrahiniim..

The Boat

Assalamualaikum to all, 

I am sorry for not updating for so long. I would like to share the following words of wisdom:

In a river, a boat travels on the water and the greater the amount of water, the more at ease the boat will be. However if that very water enters the boat, it will capsize. The heart is as the boat and the sorrows and heartaches of the world are the water; everyone’s boat has sunk except that of the people of Allah - those who do dhikr - which always stays afloat. 


I am currently having difficulties with my boat, especially after the blessed month of Ramadan has ended and the struggle against the enemies of the heart intensified. 

May Allah protects us all. Amiin..

It's That Time of the Year Again

Student:   It's the month of Rajab now. I sincerely need some words of advise from you, my teacher.

Teacher:   Yes...it's time to do some reflections and serious preparation for Ramadan.

Student:   What should I reflect on?

Teacher:   Your previous Ramadan...was there any significant change in you after the last Ramadan?

Student: ........I think so....may be...

Teacher:   Tell me...Why do we fast in Ramadan?

Student:   Umm..cleansing the soul...


Teacher:   Yes...cleansing the soul to attain Taqwa...which means self restraint, God conscious, steadfastly vigilant in practicing Allah's command...

Student:   Taqwa is self restraint?

Teacher:   Yes..it's all about self restraint... In Ramadan, we restraint ourselves not only from the unlawful things..which we should do all the time...but in Ramadan we restraint even from the lawful ones..in order to develop a high level of self discipline and patience.

Student:   What about soul cleansing?

Teacher:   That too..and by fasting the physical body is weaken in order to strengthen the spiritual self. Don't you notice that it's always easier to perform long prayers and Quran recitation in Ramadan..?
It's a month dedicated to self improvement, continuous struggle to be better..

Student:   Sometimes it's really daunting..this struggle of being better..when I look around me..I feel that I am not strong enough like other people..

Teacher:   Of course it's good to look at others to make comparison, we need a bench mark...but changing to be better is not about being better than others..

Student:   Shouldn't we compete with others?..

Teacher:   Yes...but  the thing is...when we change for the sake of competing with others, sometimes we tend to take the easy way out..and feeling complacent..

Student:   Easy way out?

Teacher:   Well..haven't you experienced that when you see someone committing a sin..you would feel that you are better than that person because you didn't commit that sin?

Student:   Yes..sometimes...Who should we compare ourselves with then?

Teacher:   If you are serious in improving yourself..if you are really sincere.. there's only one person you need to compare with..

Student:    And the person is.....?

Tecaher:   The person is, YOU. Compare yourself with who you were yesterday. After all, it's immaterial how good we are in comparison to others.

Student:    I understand now... we should be better today than yesterday.

Teacher:   Yes...and my teacher taught me that in order to change, 3 things are needed. First, change yourself, because you can't change others, second take small baby steps, small changes are easier to be consistent at, and third start now...not tomorrow..now.(Ubahlah diri sendiri bukan orang lain, ubahlah sikit-sikit dan ubahlah sekarang)
May Allah bless our teachers.


“Those who state their deeds today worse than yesterday are cursed. They who today are the same as yesterday are losers. And whoever todayis better than yesterday, they are the fortunate ones"

“O Allah bless us in Rajab and Sha`bān and enable us to reach Ramadān!” 

My Teachers

One of the precious pleasures in life is having the opportunity to learn from a great teacher.
Someone who is great even without flashy accolades, because his qualification does not require endorsement from an institution, but simply from  the way his teachings enlightened our hearts. Someone whom with just a few words could inspire you.
Someone who, despite his wise being, humbly admitted to you that  he is still learning. Learning from the University of  Life. Braving through the toughest tests, the most challenging assignments and heartbreaking crisis. He is still struggling towards success, because his goal is not to be a scholar but a righteous man.

Everywhere I turned, I saw many great people who would tell me that their life was never a bed of roses, but they have the exceptional ability to learn from it all. They will tell you that there were good times and hard times, but none was ever a bad time. It was just either good and pleasant or hard and trying. Because of all the trials and challenges that they faced, the one that has brought them on their knees are the ones that in the end produced the most gratifying outcomes. The one that taught them the most. The good times made them grateful, and the hard times increase their patience. Life is simply magical.

I've been blessed with the opportunity to meet a few of them, either in person or in their writings. Their simple words went deep and remained forever in my heart.
Why?
Because they have done it. They have taken the journey, they have suffered and fallen, they are jewels in the making.
Look around you, with your heart not your eyes. Look for the most beautiful eyes and the prettiest smiles and search for the kindest hearts. That's how you'll find them.
And you will be amazed that the most beautiful eyes are the ones that has cried the most tears, the prettiest smiles hides the deepest sorrow and the kindest hearts has felt the most pain.

They are the teachers who live under the shadow of the greatest teacher of all, Muhammad (peace be upon him), our beloved prophet.

Their steps are the one I shall follow, InshaAllah.

The Walk

The Shah Alam lake garden is probably almost as old as the city itself. The well designed landscape has matured with shady trees,  huge clean lake, well kept grass, and the moldy pavement looked so welcoming.

It was still quite early in the morning when we took the walk at the beautiful garden today.

We strode slowly on the wet pavement, avoiding water puddles every now and then, while savoring the clean fresh air.
The stillness of the surrounding induced a feeling of peace inside the heart as we watched admiringly at the full moon shining brightly above the horizon.

The huge garden is situated behind the state mosque and we could clearly hear the voice of the imam delivering the kuliyah subuh (morning talk).
His voice was all we could hear besides the thuds of our own footsteps.
As we continued step by step..slowly and gently our surrounding changed.

The eastern sky had brighten up and right before our eyes we witnessed the arrival of a new day.

The sunrise.

The crimson sky now looked so blue and the mosque stood elegantly behind the lake.

Breathtaking...

Subhaanallah...

By the sun and its brightness;

By the moon as it follows it (the sun);

By the day as it shows up (the sun's) brightness;

By the night as it conceals it (the sun);

By the heaven and Him Who built it;

By the earth and Him Who spread it,

( As Syams: 1-6)

These verses from the Qur'an, perfectly and precisely described that moment...

All praise be to Allah..Lord of the worlds..


After about forty minutes we headed back to the parking area near a little cafe.
It was dark when we arrived before, but now we could see clearly how lovely the cafe looked.

The pink bougainvillea at the entrance and the bright sunlight at the background was picture perfect.
Subhaanallaah...
Alhamdulillah..
Allahuakbar.. 
                                                                                                                                     

Thank you Allah..
Thank you for these feet that you gave for us to walk
Thank you for the eyes that you gave for us to see
Thank you for the ears that you gave for us to hear
Thank you Allah for this beautiful day
Thank you Allah
For everything...
Guide me Ya Allah to the right path..
Ameen...

And by Nafs, and Him Who perfected him in proportion;

Then He showed him what is wrong for him and what is right for him;

Indeed he succeeds who purifies his own self

And indeed he fails who corrupts his own self 

(As Syams: 7 -10)